You should know by now!

Seriously, if you knew me at all. All backyard romances and bottles of wine! If there was ever a song this would be it. In a hammock with a bottle of cab and a lit cigarette .

Older and wiser? I hope.

In a matter of days I will be 40. Milestone, right? Funny, I'm looking at, dreaming about it even. I've been having these dreams about all my exes' and some of Vin Diesel even (not quite sure where that one comes into play) it's weird, I've been really struggling to not set my standards to the per verbal yardstick of lifetime  achievements .  I don't want to be the girl who feels bad about her age and where she hoped she would be right now.  But in all honesty, I am.

I do, look at myself, and second guess. I do, wish I was the woman, that at 23, was where I wanted to be at 40.

But, even where I am now? I am going to own it. I am going to be proud of myself and be strong.  I have so many scars, but it might as well be proud of them, that's what created the woman I am today.

Sucks loving someone you hate.

Too bad you let me down.