Beautiful Disaster

Not to long ago, I stood on the edge of a cliff.
Looking out at the beauty of the unknown,
the endless ocean,
full of possibilities
and uncertainties.

The jump was inevitable,
and timing is never right.
Standing on the edge does not bring more security,
it just allows you more time to develop extra fear.

So jump I did.
Arms and legs flailing, eyes closed, nose plugged.
Waiting for the water to envelop me,
hoping my bones are not shattered by rocks.

Surfacing, I realize that what I thought was the hardest part,
actually is not.
Here I had been so scared of the leap itself,
that I forgot about how I would survive a vast ocean.

I still know jumping off of my cliff was the best decision,
but that does not make my task at hand any less scarey.
Staring back at the cliff that once was my security,
I realize it's beauty lies at a distance.

For now I will cling to my driftwood
and kick as hard as my legs will let me.

Who knows maybe there is an exotic, desserted island in my future.
Hopefully, atleast there will be a life raft for me to cling to.

I am hoping for you!

I hope you are not sad, that she is getting married in a month.

I hope you aren't sad that she is having a baby.

I hope you don't wish it is yours.

I hope it doesn't break your heart to hear them call your child theirs.

I hope you don't read her words and wish they were about you.

I hope that shirt he wears doesn't gut you like a fish.

Please don't look at those pictures, and feel regret.

Please, don't feel she is the one, cuz she doesn't deserve you!

Please don't ever feel a moment of sadness when you think of her.

I wish you happiness, peace and love.

If she knew you like I do, she wouldn't have broke your heart!

I have dreams for you, that are so big that they don't even include me, please be happy!

Please don't think about her when you go to sleep at night!

If you think of anyone, don't let it be her.

Not Your Normal Book Cover

I am starting to figure people out in a way I never have before. Most are full of shit and tell you what they think you want to hear. I will call you tomorrow, lets do lunch on Tuesday, I miss you, I love you. Blah, blah, bullshit! I am so sick of people telling me what I want to hear. All my life I have been feed lies, it will be ok, etc... My own husband agreed with everything that came out of my mind/mouth because that is what he thought I wanted to hear. Then I woke up one day and realized I was married to a stranger.

Once there was this guy, he agreed with nothing I said, maybe that is why he was the one that stuck. I dont need someone to give me everything I want, just get me and fyi, I love a good debate. I am not the fragile little girl you think I am, I am so much stronger than you can imagine, if you spend half an hour getting to know me, you would know that.

I get a lot of judgement, and I am taking it as well as I can, trying not to shut down too much, it is getting a little tough, especially since I think a lot of people are shutting me out.

But if you dont love me now, in all of the garbage I am sitting in, you never loved me!