Don't we all just really want to fake it well? - Yancy Butler

So the other night I was sitting with a couple of my girlfriends, we were talking about social networks and how everyone tries to "put their best foot forward". We all post these status updates that say, I love my life, I am so blessed, be jealous of me, I did something with myself. But is that really true, is it honest? Are we trying to make some ex boyfriend from high school jealous that he didn't pick us, or that girl that was always the one we stacked ourselves beside and never felt adequate? Who are these status updates for, them or us!

I am a fan of Wheel of Fortune, I try to watch it whenever I can, it makes me feel smart when I can guess the puzzle before the contestants. But the funny thing that get me is the contestants during their intro. Hi, my name is Robin, I am from Roseville, CA, I have been married to my wonderful husband for five years, he is so amazing, and I have three amazing daughters! Really?! No one ever says, I think I drive my husband crazy, we totally annoy each other and I wonder every day if I am messing up my children psychologically! I understand that no one is actually going to go on national tv and admit their flaws, but seriously, who are you fooling. I am not buying your Wheel of Fortune intro, and I am definitely not buying your facebook status update! You are struggling just as much as me, your life is just as hard, no matter what type of life you live. Can't we all just get along, cant we all just bond with our struggles?

So it has been a while. There are many excuses, I have been busy... blah blah blah. But when it comes down to it, the last time I wrote a blog, everyone thought I was sooooooo depressed and on the verge of God only knows what! Yes I was depressed, I had just lost one of my best friends, but mostly, that is just me, negative, sarcastic, protecting my heart and soul, I have always expected the worse so that I am not disappointed. My boss told me yesterday, that his password for all my accounts is yesno, cuz he doesn't think anything phases me, I let it all slide off my back, if he only knew.
I watched this movie the other day, it was on Showtime at one in the morning when I was awake. Motherhood, it starred Uma Therman, Minnie Driver and Goose from Top Gun. It was a mediocre, 2 am movie. But it got me, cuz the whole movie was about how hard it is to be a mother. Whether you work, or not, married or not, it is a struggle to raise a child and develop it into something that is healthy, responsible and respects others. Not to mention at the same time, you are a thirty something still trying to grow up yourself, and you think you have yourself figured out, but who knows. And that is the part that got me, who knows... Do we really ever know who we are, do we really ever know what is best for us. How am I supposed to know what is best for me, I am still trying to decide if I should spank my child or not! I am so focused on schedules and trying to get two, two year old potty trained while trying to convince my ten year old that I love her just as much that I don't know which way is up, let alone who I am and what I need. What I need is a long shower and a tall glass of wine. I try my best and I don't have any answers, but I am trying, doesn't that amount to something. I look at Martha Stewart, and she is so organized and put together, but is that reality, that can't possibly be the standard I compare myself too, that cant possibly be who I should compare myself too, there is no way I can measure up to that. I want to mind you, but it is just not realistic to who I am.
I guess my point is, not only is it hard to be a mom, a mother, a mama, but it is hard to be an adult. What are we supposed to do, what is the point, what is our goal, who knows. I don't know, I am trying, but is my point just to be a mother, be a friend, a daughter, sister, a cousin? What am I, I don't get it.