A Letter to You

My Dearest Cyndi,
I am not really sure how to start this, you have been gone for almost a year and there is still so much I have wanted to say to you. I feel so bad for being mad at you this long, I still cant believe that you chose to leave me hours after I talked to you. We loved each other so much, or so I thought, twenty years down the drain. I am so sorry that you needed more from me than I gave you.

I always thought you were so amazing, the second I met you at the age of fifteen, I though you were amazing. You were the coolest person I had ever met, with your Depeche Mode t-shirts and the black sheet hanging in your windows. You were so differant than me, but yet, so the same. In our differances, we bonded, we became one. Even though we lost contact after high school, when we reconnected, it was like no time was lost, and we were stronger than ever.

I sit here now, and I miss you so much, the missing has never stopped even though it has been almost a year. I think of where my life is now, and I wonder if it would be differant if I had you here to talk to. I wish you were here to help me through my struggles and I miss helping you through yours. I miss talking to you every morning on your morning drive to work.

How did you not know how smart, beautiful and loving you were. I remember standing there, giving your euology, crying through the whole thing, and thinking, wow, look at all these people who love her. Maybe, if she knew about all these people she wouldnt have chose to leave me. Maybe, if she knew how amazing she was, she would still be here.

I have been so mad at you for this past year, so mad I could barely mourn from the second I learned what you really did. You chose hours after you told me how much you loved me to end your life. Hours after I told you how much you loved me, and I told you how greatful I was to have you in my life, you ended yours. I have been so pissed at you. Do you know how shitty this past year has been for me? No, you dont because you signed out.

I want you back, my life is still hard, and I need to talk to you about it. But I cant, cuz you told me how much you loved me, and then, you left.

A year later, it still sucks, I still miss you, a lot. You were my little babies godmother, you were supposed to be here for forever.

Maybe, I need another year to stop being mad at you!