Growing Stronger

When you step out on your marriage, no matter what the reason, people always expect one outcome, to be with your "lover". For some reason, that is the first thing that comes out of peoples mouths when they find out. Are you going to be with him, are the two of you in love, are you two going to try and live together.
  Even my ex husband tried to kick me and his own daughters out of the house and banish me to live with the man he thought I had left him for. The thing is, I left my marriage before "him". My marriage had been over for so long before that, it had nothing to do with passionate kisses, sex or emotion, that was all just the final nail in the impending coffin.
I was not the woman to leave her marriage and have another place to go or a backup plan, I just decided, enough is enough. I realized I was worth being worthy of having a man who understood me, I have my flaws mind you, the list is a mile long, but I do not deserve judgement from someone who is supposed to accept me.
  I am scared and vulnerable, a little stressed out being a single mother of toddler twins and child support for an eleven year old who grips my heart and I only see on weekends. I will always have a level of guilt for decisions I have made in my life but I choose to be strong and be happy, no matter how hard it is at times.
This past week I sustained some dog walking injuries, that have affected me in a larger way that something of that title should. I have wounds that are so painful and a little worrisome when it comes to healing, most of all they inhibit me from taking care of my two youngest. The palms of my hands are gone, as are my knees and tops of my feet, one of my breasts looks like I nursed a raccoon. For the past few days I have been limping around wounded, I can no longer walk the dog who someone else is supposed to walk and I have not been up to par with the children he is supposed to visit. Both of these have wounded me inside and out. It has made me look at my life in a way that I wouldn't otherwise. If I had a man here to help me this would be easier, I can barely lift them out of their cribs or drive to the grocery store and walk to buy groceries.
  But something else happened this week, I realized that I am strong enough. Even though I have skin missing, can hardly use my hands and I walk with a limp, I can do it. I can do anything, I don't know how, but I can do it. The thing I am not sure of is, how did I end this relationship with this man and they were discarded too. I am the one that hears why is daddy not hear and I am the one who is a single mom seven days a week. I am lucky to get a Saturday afternoon off and that is fine, but they need a dad. I did not have a father growing up, never met him just started talking to him a year ago. But they know their father lived with him for a couple years, how are they not important enough now. I really have to step up to the plate now, and maybe that is my fate for decisions I have made in the past. I accept that, I just don't want them to hurt over a man who blah blah blah, says things that he doesn't mean.