I Still Love Love

So this weekend my girls and I spent the weekend in Berkeley.  We had a wedding to be a part of, the twins were ring bearers and I was giving a speech, which oddly enough, I was a little nervous about.  So we rented a house for the weekend and the weather couldn't have been better.  Luckily, I did not take my dog like I had originally planned, but opted for kenneling instead.  That would have been biting off more than I could even try to chew.

Friday night was "batchelorette" party.  This consisted of me, the bride, her gay best friend and every bar in Berkeley that was within walking distance from her house, and surprisingly, there was a lot.   I haven't been bar hopping in what seems like years, so it was fun to let my hair down and let loose.  I also hadn't laughed that hard in a very long time.  I really thought it would be hard for me to be supportive of my friend getting married, especially since marriage had given me such a bad taste in my mouth, but it wasn't.  The happiness, devotion and dedication she felt for her soon to be husband was infectious.  You couldn't help but smile when she talked about him or their wedding, the plans she had for their lifetime together.  I remembered what being in love felt like, when the best part of the day is when you get to see each other, whether you are ripping off each others clothes or making dinner while they read a book. 

I surprised myself during the reception when it came time for me to give my speech.  I walked up their with Molli holding my hand, my quotes and little jokes memorized.  Two sentences later, I had tears running down my face, looking at the two of them, so much in love listening to my words.  I felt content and happy, realizing I have come a long way.  Of course, I will still have a night now and again when I might feel lonely or jilted, maybe even depressed.  But I know that I am not that cynical woman I was starting to think I might become.

I am very fortunate to have all the love in my life that I do have.  I have two little girls who think the world of me, I have another who is twelve and is starting to realize that I am a total dork, but she loves me just the same.  I have enough friends and family that offer me support.  So why should I hate on someone who is in a relationship that works for them, the answer is I shouldn't.  We all choose our paths, this one is mine, and it isn't too bad, so I am choosing to love myself again.