Dream A Little Dream..

So my dreams got a little weird lately!  Last night, even though I was "sleeping" for nine hours, I was completely restless.  And here is the run down of my night, weird as it was.

First of all, I would like to say, I have thought I was one that could control my dreams, I have literally, sought counseling on this very subject.

In saying that, here we go.

First dream.  I am in my actual bed, in my existing apartment.  In my dream, I was sleeping in my bed and someone was breaking into my window.  Now normally, I am not scared, I have been a single mom before, stopped watching scary movies a long time ago, for that very reason.  Not to mention, since I moved out of my husbands care, I have bought a gun, a tazer and have a flashlight that doubles as a billy club, not to mention the 105 pound dog that sleeps beside my bed every night.  But yet, I wake up sleeping sideways in my very comfy queen, facing the window in my dream, literally in pounce position!  I awake, thinking, what are you afraid of this is not like you.

I ponder this thought for a while, wondering what is actually going on in my thought process.  I obviously am not afraid of intruders, for the most part I have taken every possible safe precaution.  So what am I really afraid of.

Then an hour or so later I fall back to sleep.

And then the weirdness really begins.

First of all I am in a boutique in a mall of some type, with my mom, who aka, lives 3000 plus miles away in reality.

So I am on an escalator of sorts and I am exiting it.  It is circular, in a weird dream manner and I step up to exit.   As I do, a Hispanic couple cuts in front of me.  They make some comment about being taller than me, and I try to joke back saying that since I am shorter I will take my place in the back.  The female doesn't realize that I am joking and thinks I am insulting her and starts to get in my face.  At this point another female gets involved and starts to make racist comments about me being white, etc..  I try to explain to both, that I was not trying to insult anyone, I am simply trying to get off this damn escalator and I am tired and need to get to a birthday party for my soon to be 4 year old twins. 

Now, this second woman has pulled a knife on me and all of a sudden there are police involved and guns and people flying all around, I am a hostage and getting poked in the back by a gun.  ( I later woke up and realized it was Molli's knee grinding into me)

For the rest of the dream I spend most of my time dodging "bad guys"  flying through bullets and saving civilians that don't have my obvious dream powers. 

Oddly enough, I wonder what is it..

I am starting to think maybe I am not as strong as I think I am.  Or maybe I need to man up and be stronger?

Am I a victim in one dream, or the hero in another?

Maybe, that is what my life is about, wondering which role I am going to play.