The One That Got Away

So this past weekend I went on a mini trip. A trip my girl and I took to get away from it all. Get away from sadness, what was supposed to happen and didn't, escape the idealist idea of what our thirty five years should've brought us and didn't. Yeah, yeah, I know, life is what we make it, well apparently we didn't make it what it was supposed to be, so we escaped. We left on Friday, cuz Saturday was the D-Day! The day that was gonna break my sweet friends heart. Now keep in mind, if you know my life at all right now, I am the last one to bring encouragement, I am currently lost in my own tidal wave, how the hell am I gonna help her onto my sinking life raft. But I put on my big girl panties and tried my best to be there for my friend who tries her best to be there for me. As we pull out of Roseville on Friday, the rain is pouring down, traffic is insane, we actually debate on staying in Sac, but as I said earlier, big girl panties. We get to our hotel 2.5 hours later and someone must have been loving us, because we made it for complimentary cocktail hour! After our traffic, week and emotions we both didn't have much left in us but a long bath and a bottle of wine.

That night about four am, we wake up to a couple, and I use that word loosely, fighting. The angriest word ever spoken. Hurt, anger, hatred and mostly betrayal spewing out of their mouths, at a level that was scary to us all. We heard the abuse and it scared us, made us think of our relationships, past and present. Relationships that might have gone on too far, after the trust is gone, after the love has left. Hearing a situation like this, not only makes you call the front desk, but makes you look at your own life. These two people in the room right next to mine, obviously stayed together way too long. Why? Were they afraid of being alone? Did one of them not have a job and couldn't support themselves, maybe they had kids together, who knows. All I could think of as I was praying for security to come upstairs and I could no longer hear the punches that this couple were so venomously putting upon each other, was does she ever think about the one that got away. What makes woman stay with men they shouldn't? Why?

Putting all this behind us, we wake up the next morning and decide it is going to be a good day. Doesn't matter that we have gotten absolutely no sleep, doesn't matter that it is pouring outside and we can not leave our hotel. We are in a hotel full of people that have stories to be heard and we decide to hear them. We plant ourselves down in the bar and make a day of chit chat and emotion. There is something to be said about woman and the bond that we have with each other. Even in the saddest of times, we can throw back a couple mimosas, talk about what shouldve been and still put on a pretty smile and bond.

This brings me to the title of my long winded blog. The one that got away. We all know who that is, maybe some are lucky to be married to the one, my hat tips to you. But others are not so certain. How is it that the girl next door meets a boy in high school and he rocks her world, when he kisses her, she swoons, he understands her sentences before she is finished saying them. I am so jealous, that it makes me want to puke. I know a couple like this, high school sweethearts, blah blah, only people they have ever kissed is each other, etc... They are so "in love" that it makes me sick, I have actually stopped hanging out with them because I find their love for each other so annoying. How bad of a person does that make me? A horrible person, I know! I guess, I am just so jaded by heartache that I just don't believe that a true love like this exists. I do however, believe that a woman can piss a man off so much that he, A. doesn't call her when she reaches out to him, or B. beats her to the point of unconscious in a hotel room in the middle of the night. Do all adults have " a one that got away"? Does everybody wonder, is that why divorce is so common, or is divorce just a symptom of uncertainty?

That love we felt in our teens, in our twenties, before we had kids or mortgages, health care plans or college tuition to think about, was so pure. When all you could think about was that feeling in your stomach when you kissed. The excitement when you were on the way to their house, butterflies when the phone rang, just hoping it was them. Was that the one that got away. Is that the feeling that got away or is this feeling reality?

All I want in my life is to be gotten, I want to spew nonsense from my mouth and have you shake your head, love me and say that is my Robin, totally crazy, a little neurotic, but I get it. She has a big heart and she loves me. She loves me and I am lucky, even if she is completely off her rocker and cant spell to save her life, she is mine and she wants to rock my world and I give her butterflies when I kiss her!