There is no happy medium!

When the ex and I decided to get a divorce, or should I say, when I decided to get a divorce, we both concluded that we still wanted to try and be a team in raising our twins, we both wanted to be there for major events and make sure they knew we were still a team. So when events accure, like their first movie or going to an airshow or the state fair to see them ride their first ride, we will, as adults put our differances asside and witness them and show our support together. I understand this will change when one of us, I am sure it will be him first, gets in a relationship, but for now we want the transition to be as smooth for our little ones as possible. It may seem unrealistic to some, but I have been through this once already, unfortunately, and it really is so much easier to get along. I am not saying ex's need to be at every event, trust me, they should be at very few. But all I know is when I started getting along with my oldest child's set of parents and we started faking the funk and doing a couple of events together a year, it made her life so much easier and healthier. The funny thing on that one, is I dont have much contact with my oldest daughters father, but her stepmother and I have a very close relationship. So much so that she brings my daughter and her other kids to some of my events, we have playdates and even phonecalls into the early hours of the morning. I would prefer to run her over with my minivan, but I do what I can to make it work for all five of the children involved in this dual situation.

I have been wondering a lot lately if Brett and I hanging out periodically, and for what we think is momentous situations will cause more harm to the girls than good. I have talked to many of people, parents of mine and his, counselors and of course people that have been here and done that. What I have learned or heard, should I say, is that you need to suck it up, not yell at him for four hours and let your kids know that you are both still on their side, even though you dont still live in the same house. Granted, I know this will all change over time, maybe even in the next couple of weeks, but for now, in your fragile state, we are still trying to go to the fair together and get along for your sake.

The shitty thing is, Brett and I had so many flaws in our marriage, but when he was present, we could play with our girls and it was ok. We are good at ignoring each other and making it about our girls, that is easy, marriage, not so much.

For now, when I can give them both their parents in the same place, no matter how fake it is, I will not apologize, it brings them happiness, I will suck it up, because they desserve, for now.