What generates the blood that flows through my veins? Is it my heart? And what is my heart, is it the emotion I feel, is it science? Who the fuck knows?
Lately, I have been judging myself and dissecting who I am as a woman, as a person. What have I had interests in, who are the men that I have loved, what kind of a mother am I?
I am so torn by these questions, because I really am asking them. I have loved a couple really good men, had some amazing connections. I have children with two men, who before giving birth, I thought they believed in me. These days, I presume that after labour and delivering a man's child he must discard me and throw me to the curb.
God only knows, I realize how crazy I am. I am emotional and I fly off the handle multiple times a week and feel shame for my psychotic behaviour.
Maybe part of me thinks I am better than most because I see my flaws and I am trying to work on them. I try to keep my downfalls in check, so doesn't that count for something? Can't I be held accountable for trying to fix my issues?
I ask these questions, because I am scared. Lately, I have been hit with a lot of first rate hook-ups. Once you become single, everyone tries to set you up with your "perfect" match. It bothers me because why does my status involve being with a man. Why can't I be amazing all on my own? Can't I be complete all on my own! I am a beautiful, smart, amazing mother, all on my own, no man, just me. Isn't that enough?
I believe in teamwork and that two is better than one, God only knows that I wish I had children with a man who knew whom I was and appreciated it. But I didn't, and here I am.
I am Robin, here me roar!
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