Insomnia and Thoughts

So the other night I was watching Jay Leno, this is rare for me.  Either I am not awake that late or if I am, I am drinking and talking on the phone, either way, I watched it the other night.  Well, to be honest, I turned on the TV as I was cuddling under my sheets, hit the power button on the remote, and there he was. 

Anyways, there he was, and I pushed info and our USA Olympian swimmer Lochte, was one of his guests.  I viewed the interview and actually enjoyed it a bit.  But as I watched it, my wheels in my pretty little brain started turning. 

This past Olympic season, I have not been as into it as I usually have been.  This is weird for me, I thought maybe, this is the place in my life, maybe I am shutting more doors than I even know.

When I was a child, and even up until a few years ago, I was always very into the Olympics.  Possibly, this has to do with the fact that when I was a child not every second of the Olympics was televised, so I only got to see the so called highlights.  But this past year, I really could care less.  I am sure this has something to do with the fact that I have a lot going on in my life, or maybe I have just picked the sports that I like and that is all that I payed attention to. 

Either way,  I watched Lochte on Leno and my mind started thinking.  I was thinking the same thoughts that I had been pondering while I watched the very minimal Olympics that I watched over these past few weeks. 

My thoughts were this.  How amazing to grow up and have one goal, to be a gymnast or a swimmer and to win a metal and represent your country in the ultimate competition.  I cant imagine having that goal.  Growing up knowing what you want to do with your life and being determined to do so.  I have never had a goal so cut and dry.  Most of my goals have consisted of paying my rent and not screaming too much at my daughters. I don't even have a career, I am simply just trying to keep my head above the financial water so that I can pay my bills and not feel like a degenerate. 

But after I had this thought that I had about ones goal being an Olympic medal, I had to ponder, what do you do after you achieve that goal, or worse, what do you do after you don't achieve this fantasy?

Perhaps, I am not that bad off.  My goal is simply to survive and to be happy.  I should probably stop beating myself up because I don't have a gold medal.