Thanks fucking Giving

So here I am, right around the corner from my second Thanksgiving away from my kids.  I know that in the grand scheme of things I get them on Christmas, but I am fully realizing that once again, I have had child or children with a man who I do not spend my holidays with.  The ex husband and I have tried over the past two years to do minimal activities together to give the girls a sense of family, but have discovered that even though we have good intentions, we end up fighting and that is a benefit to no one, especially our children.  I guess I thought it was OK to fake the funk every once in a while because this is what I do with my other child, from another man.  My oldest daughters father and I haven't spoke in years, but we are there for every function, sitting in the same row, holding each others children while cheering on the child we have together, yet never even passing a single word to each other. 

Throughout my life, I have learned to pretend everything is OK.  I made a lot of mistakes in raising Payton, and I am sure I will make a few more, but what thing I learned is that when I get along with her other family and fake the funk, she thrives.  I guess that is why I do it with Molli and Lola.  I will put myself through a function and let Brett be included because I know they thrive off of it.  I will bite my tongue and try to not argue when he annoys me so much that I could smash my head through a brick wall. 

I think Brett and I are about to run our course on this interaction, mostly because I admit, not even I have that much patience, so lets call this spade a spade. 

I am only his friend when he doesn't have a girlfriend, he only wants to help out when he isn't getting lade, and it has been two years of trying to be semi stable.

I didn't have a father growing up, so I am giving a little too much slack on this parental rope.  I am going to buckle down and stop putting myself in situations that are to stressful for me and my girls.  No more free passes, you do not pass go, you do not collect two hundred.  Nut up and be a dad on your own time, cuz I have realized my time is too valuable and you no longer pay the fee for my time.