Meloncholy, just ignore!

Most weeks, I feel like I am just treading water.  Even when, I personally, feel like I am doing more, I have someone to remind me that I am nothing more than average. 

But please, excuse me if you will.

I got a job, I sought out day cares, went on interviews, schmoozed, immunizations, paperwork, did all I could do! 

It all sucked, never got a job before and then had to go through 3 days of childcare appointments.  But I did it.  Situations like this remind you how alone you are.  Yesterday when I took the twins to get their physical and their five shots each, I realized how alone I am.  I literally had to rely on the nurses to help me console my girls, it broke my heart that my arms where not big enough to hold Lola after her shots because I had to hold down Molli's arms so she didn't yank the needles out of the nurses hand.  Situations like this remind you how alone you are. 

Let me say it again, HOW ALONE YOU ARE.  Most days, I say that I love  being alone, I love my own space, love no opinion on what shows I watch or how often I do the dishes.  But there are days, very similar to the past couple that remind me of my dreams of raising children with a partner. 

I can do it, and I have been for years, but once in a while I daydream about being on a team, what could've been.