I have talked to my biological father about a dozen times in my thirty six years. Never met him, as of a year ago, I had never even spoke to him. Weird as it is, this is my existence.
Tonight, I called him. I needed a father figure, and he is all that I have. It is so weird telling him my issues, and granted there are a lot of them. I do, however, keep them on a minimum, I cant possibly scare off the one man I don't want too, Lord only knows I have scared enough already.
It is so foreign talking to him. I know my history with men and it is not good, but this one actually matters. I cant get a man to be what I need to save my life, but this one I actually need, it matters. He says all the right things mind you. but for some reason, I still feel like he is a guy that I am dating, the one that tells you every thing you need to hear, but doesn't really mean it. I am sick of feeling something that apparently doesn't even exist. I want a man to be honest, you don't need to save me, I don't need to be taken care of. If I did, I would stay in my marriage, all I need is honesty. I am not a blow job, or a sexy body, I am a person, someone who needs honesty, period. I am beautiful, inside and out. I love from the bottom of my heart and soul. I have more issues than enclycopedias, but I am deeper as well. I sing, I dance, I pray for the strength to make it through my life.
I know that I am not your father. I know that I am not who you would look to for support. Please know that any time you need someone, you can call me or text me or send smoke signals. Sometimes just having someone to listen to you is enough to get you through and I will be there for you. You are not alone. you will never be alone.
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